Forever Pain

I never new the depth of the pain until i said it out loud.

I wonder why his journey ended early,
why did God decide to take you before i met you,
writing this makes me cry; because i have been holding the pain for so long,
i walked around with it,
Hid it with my favorite makeup
war it in my favorite color
thinking nothing can faze me,
what a people pleaser i was,
trying my best to make sure the people around me don’t feel the void i have been feeling,
i did it so well without realizing i was a candle light
and all I wanted to scream as my wax burning is why did you leave us?

Now i understand why the society empathize on raising a child with both parents,
cause my void is not because mum couldn’t provide,
its the kinda void that my character needed to see for me to acknowledge why i have certain traits,
when my character is tested i had to remind my self not to freeze but to breathe slowly and deeply ,
Oh and your Wife!

She did such a good job in training me how to master my anger, pick my battles, bite my tongue when needed ;

She taught me how to act like when my character was tested and my Faith was questioned,

but until i was recently tested when she was miles away😪,

It is when i experienced and now know that trigger is the connection between the conscious mind and a buried painful memory.

Your absence felt so recent and all i was still questioning is why did you leave us?

The pain felt so new in this foreign country that left every four walls feelings like a cell, the pain sucked me dry vampire straight outta of a coffin,
The pain left me walking with no soul,
The pain made me SO ANGRY i was silent,
my Spirit felt violent,

Living me Wilding like,

Why did you leave us ?

Eventually after i mentally dusted my self out,

The pain turned into a scare that lifts me now

The scare that plays part in not only my life but my family’s life and it makes us indestructible

The scare that reminds me how lucky I am to have gained my OWN Angle 6month before I was born,

The scare that helps me strive to be genuine in everything i do cause i know your watching

I will probably never understand why YOU first, as i am flesh.

Now i know just because i never got to see you at all,

it doesn’t mean i cant carry you inside out,

Or on my fingertips,

and forever at brain edge

*I hope and Pray this motivates someone, being raised by a single parent is Never a downfall.

We could be the change that the world needs.

%d bloggers like this: